I Remember You
by Natasia08
Summary: Rachel has set out to write a song on what she knows but every time she sits down to create beautiful music, she's plagued with memories that she just wants to forget. She's left wondering if she'll ever get over the boy who broke her in two. M justincase
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:** _Lingering Memories_

Rachel Berry found herself sitting before her family's piano, staring at the blank music sheet before her while the black pen in her hand lightly tapped against the wooden stand. She had just returned home from the coffee house after experiencing her second kiss from one Blaine Anderson. As Kurt had predicted, Blaine was in fact gay, and though sadly, it was due to her kiss that made him realize this fact for certain. Rachel didn't mind. The only thing that was on her mind at the given moment was the song she was trying write from the whole experience. The song was for glee club and though, it wasn't required for her to write it, it was the only way to prove to the rest of the glee clubbers that she was right - like she was always - and that they should take her more seriously as a member and leader of the club.

And after the week she had, one would think that she would have plenty to work with for a song. At least one that was better than her first.

But the brunette found herself staring blankly at the off white paper, examining the black lines that seemed to race across the page in a rather mocking fashion. It was frustrating! How hard was it really to write a song? Rachel had sung and listened to hundreds - some of which she was surprised even sold records - and she was very expressive when it came to how she felt at any given time of the day, so music should be flowing out of her right now!

But it wasn't.

She pushed herself up and started to pace the length of the room. She thought back to the previous weekend. To the party that she had thrown and her first experience with alcohol. That very weekend had stirred a lot of emotions inside of her; more than she had thought was possible for one weekend. She had kissed Blaine during a game of spin the bottle, so when the bottle had landed on him it was required of her to kiss him. The surprise was that she had felt something. She wasn't supposed to feel anything towards him because he could not reciprocate those feelings. But even with those facts, she still felt… something. She ignored that fact that the spark disappeared as soon as they both were sober since that fact didn't fit with her problem. Alcohol couldn't be the sole reason to why those feelings happened. Alcohol skewed perceptions, of course, but not to that extent, right?

As she thought about it, Blaine did have the qualities she looked for in a guy: A great voice, leading man potential (he was the lead in his glee club), had the same amount of Broadway knowledge that she possessed, and the willingness to perform randomly, no matter who was watching. Qualities that only one other person she knew had.

Jesse St. James.

Now that was a person she struggled not to think about for the past six months. But no matter how hard she tried, small whispers of who he was - what she liked about him - always lingered in the back of her mind. She could still see his face, his golden curls and chiseled features. She could still hear how well his voice paired with her own or the sound of him releasing a breath when he smiled at something truly amusing. She could still feel what it was like to be wrapped up in his arms and how his lips sent shivers through her whole body when pressed against hers.

But what she remembered most of all was what ended it all, what destroyed the fairy tale she had in her grasp. A simple sound of an egg breaking against the top of her head and Jesse standing there in front of her with an unreadable expression. Was there remorse or regret in his steely green eyes or victory? She had looked back so many times in searched for the answer, but found none that would completely satisfy her. The whole event was humiliating and she had no idea how she endured it the way that she did. But Rachel Berry wasn't the kind of person to let something push her down. No, she always got back up even when no one expected her too. She did learn one thing. That a person like her had to be careful of who they allow themselves to be vulnerable with because not everyone who says they loved you was going to have your best interest at heart.

Rachel slowly collapsed back on the piano bench and let out a long sigh. Had her attraction towards Blaine only been her mind's way of telling her that she couldn't avoid missing Jesse. It couldn't possibly be it. Things with her and Jesse had long been over and she knew it in her heart that she loved Finn, even though they were still broken up.

But there was only one way to be sure…

Rachel reached inside her bag and grabbed her very pink cell phone and skimmed through her contacts. She hadn't deleted his number like Finn had asked her too - she just couldn't when the time came - but instead placed it under a different name: Melchior, a character that both her and Jesse were quite fond of. Her phone soon highlighted the name and her throat ran dry. She could do this; this was just… just a phone call. Nothing more, nothing less.

Biting down on her lower lip, she pressed okay and placed her phone against her ear. She listened to the dial tone and the sound of the other line ringing. Once, twice, three times it rang before she heard it click and was greeted by the voice that made her heart skip a beat. "Hello," Jesse said rather simply and Rachel soon found herself speechless. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. In a bit of shock, she quickly pressed end and tossed her phone to the couch. Unsure of what to think.

But then her phone rang, and she was greeted by a familiar ring tone: The Guilty Ones from Spring Awakening and it only belonged to one person in her contacts list. She cautiously grabbed her phone back and stared at the ID. Jesse had called back; she should have known that he would hit redial. With a deep breath, she answered.

"Did you just call this number?"

Jesse seemed rather annoyed. It was warranted, seeing as she did just call and hung up on him. But his tone didn't sit well with her confused mood. "Yes, I did in fact call up, Jesse," She should have addressed him by his surname; it would have sounded more mean, hostile. But Rachel could never bring herself to do that, it didn't sound right coming from her lips. "It doesn't matter why anymore, since I decided that I would rather not talk to you."

"Then why did you put in the effort in calling in the first place, Rachel?"

The sound of her name caught her by surprise. She hadn't expected him to say it. Berry, maybe, but not Rachel. It was nice to hear it, to hear him say it. But she knew there was a complete difference between hearing her name from a receiver and hearing it directly from his lips being whispered into her ear. The second option was the more pleasing one. She shook those thoughts away and let out a soft sigh. "Maybe I wanted to see if you would answer. I wonder if you would recognize my number and still answer or if you just forgotten everything all together."

There was a moment or two of silence before she listened to him let out a long breath. It was hard to decipher the meaning of why he was taking so long to reply. Though, it had always been hard to figure out Jesse. "I haven't forgotten you…"

Those four simple words weren't what she had expected to hear. 'You shouldn't have called' or 'why are you wasting our time?' was what were her expectations but not what he had given her. She allowed the phone to fall from her ear when she couldn't think of any words to say in response. No snarky comment would suffice, her heart wouldn't have been in it, and she couldn't allow herself to think about what she felt after hearing him say those words. So her thumb hovered over the end key until finally she pressed it, ending the conversation finally. His voice, his word flowed through her mind like a cold wind. Silently haunting her.

She slowly sank to the ground and hugged her knees to her chest, feeling her brown eyes well with tears for the boy who had broken her so many months ago. She had thought that she was done with crying over him. She had thought she was finally over him, over boys. But she now realized that she wasn't and she had no idea what she was going to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: **_The Past Haunts._

The next day couldn't have come fast enough for Rachel but sadly, even though she was physically present in her classes, she could not for the life of her concentrate on what was going on around her. She sat in her classes in her usual seat, dead center of the class room, but her mind wasn't there. Not that her teachers noticed really, they were mostly glad that she wasn't the first to raise her hand when they asked the whole class a question. No, Rachel sat there, her head resting against the palm of her hand and she stared out the window, watching it as it rained outside. She blamed her lack of attention on the fact that she didn't receive her full twelve hours of sleep that she normally got during the night. As a girl her age, it was important for her to get the amount of sleep that was required to handle the everyday stress that she went through.

And once again, Rachel ignored the little detail of the fact of what kept her from her usual sleep routine was her thoughts of Jesse and the brief phone conversation they had.

"What's wrong with you, girl?"

Mercedes question brought Rachel out of her daze and she was forced to look back at the other self-proclaimed diva of McKinley. What could Rachel say? Informing 'Cedes about what happened would be a mistake. Mercedes had never been a fan of the romance between Jesse and Rachel, she and kurt were the first to accuse Jesse of only using Rachel to insure Vocal Adrenaline's victory. Granted, Mercedes had been right but Rachel knew that the other girl would not be particularly happy to learn of what Rachel did the night before.

"Nothing," Rachel finally responded. "Just tired. I made the mistake of staying up and working on a dance routine for my ballet class."

Mercedes nodded, she seemed to have believed Rachel's small lie, "Just remember to bring those movies to glee practice today. I'm going to go grab some lunch, see you later?"

Rachel gave a small nod and smile and she watched as Mercedes made her way into the cafeteria. Rachel moved to the opposite direction. She hadn't had the school's lunch since Figgins got rid of the Vegetarian option on the menu, so she was going to enjoy her vegetable stir fry with brown rice in the comfort of the choir room. She glanced into Mr. Schuester's office and gave a small sigh of relief when she didn't find the glee instructor sitting at his chair and she quickly sat down on one of the chairs that weren't stacked up. She knew better than to eat her lunch at the piano, so she had to wait a little while before she started to work on her song.

She looked down at her container and the plastic fork that resided in her hand and she let out a sad breath. How did she reach this point? Why did she let herself get to this point?

"Rachel."

She didn't look up, not at first. Her whole body stiffened at the sound of the familiar voice and she didn't know what to do. No, she didn't want to believe what she heard. It was simply her mind playing tricks on her.

"Rachel," Jesse repeated and Rachel listened as he casually walked further into the room as if nothing had happened. As if nothing was wrong between them. As if no time had passed since they were last in this choir room together.

Her gaze snapped upward and she glared at him. But slowly, her eyes washed over him and she examined what she saw. He wored a simple v-neck tee that was dark gray, a color that she always thought was nice on him, and a pair of black denim jeans. His arms were crossed over his chest and therer was a small, confident smirk set on his expression and she felt a lump form in her throat.

"What are you doing here? How did you get through campus?" Rachel quickly questioned, remembering vaquely that puck had threatened that he was going to punch Jesse's face off when he saw him again and she knew Noah had come to school today.

Jesse cleared his throat, his cool disposition hadn't diminished. "Which question do you want me to answer? Because one of them I'm pretty sure you know the answer of and I don't have to explain how one walks from the guest parking lot to here."

His sarcasm forced Rachel to glare at him more and she closed her container. Now, she was no longer hungry, sick from his presence and behavior. "Why are you here, Jesse?" She spat out as she carefully stood up. "Last time I checked you were in UCLA, miles away."

"My spring break starts a lot sooner than yours does," Jesse said simply. "So I took the time I was given to visit my old friends and family. I happened to be at a family dinner when you called yesterday."

Rachel's mind went back to the one time she had met his uncle, who Jesse had stayed with during his stint at McKinley, and instantly was reminded of the formality his family took during their dinners. "That may be, it still doesn't explain why you're here, at my school, in the middle of the choir room."

Rachel watched as Jesse quirked up an eyebrow at her. He rubbed his chin as if he were actually debating on how to answer her question. Her lips pursed and she shook her head out of frustration. But mainly at herself. She shouldn't have called him and she shouldn't have been thinking about him. His memory should have been long gone from her thoughts and because of her lapse of judgment, he thought it was alright to be standing here in front of her.

He cleared his throat, "I had not expected to hear from you at all, Rachel. I knew that after what I did, you would never reach out to me or try any sort of contact, so you can imagine my surprise when I received your call yesterday." His green eyes met her brown ones and yet again Rachel felt herself grow more confused. His gaze was conflicted, like the incident in the parking lot. "I wanted to contact you, so many times, to tell you how I feel: Regret, guilt and resentment. Or to tell you how much pressure I was under when I returned back to Vocal Adrenaline. But I could never get the courage to follow through and pick up the phone since a part of me knew you would never willingly answer my calls."

Rachel let out a small, sarcastic laugh and she looked away.

"But more importantly," Jesse continued, ignoring her actions, "I couldn't find the right words to form a proper apology."

Rachel looked up at him abruptly and her eyes narrowed slightly, "An apology?"

He took a step forward, "Yes, an apology."

She carefully placed down her food on the seat next to her and stood up. "And have you found the right words for this apology?"

Jesse gave a soft chuckle and took a step forward, "I am sorry, Rachel, for what I did. For humiliating you in front of all of Vocal Adrenaline in your school's parking lot. For betraying the little trust you had in me at the time and I'm sorry for destroying what we had." Rachel watched as he walked towards her, her eyes closing for a moment as he cautiously reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I missed you. My days are rather dull without your need for drama."

After only a slight hesitation, Rachel took a step back and decided that Jesse didn't have the right to stand that close to her, not anymore. But, his apology got him more points than she would have originally thought. Many nights Rachel laid awake knowing that she could never forgive him even if he presented her with an heartfelt apology, but now he gave one and Rachel's determination was wavering. Mainly because, Jesse wasn't the type to ask for forgiveness for something he had done.

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Jesse added as he uncrossed his arms and gave a small sigh. "But, I would like to be given a chance, to prove that I'm worth forgiving."

"You think you're worth forgiving?" Rachel whispered in disbelief.

"I know I am," He replied. "And I'm going to do whatever I can to prove it to you. Just give me the opportunity to do so, I promise I won't let you down."

Rachel could have pointed out how many times he had broken his promises, or how his previous actions proved that he wasn't one to be trusted but as she slowly looked up at him in his eyes, seeing that he was practically pleading her to do this one thing for him, she felt her resolve disappear. With a deep breath, she slowly nodded and in return was given a wide smile. The infamous Jesse showface. She rolled her eyes in response and returned back to her seat to finish her meal.

To her surprise, Jesse sat down next to her and leaned back casually. It brought back memories of them in New Directions together and it brought a small smile to her lips.

"So, what has been happening in the life of Rachel Berry?"


End file.
